Boredom Battle
by Infusiion
Summary: House felt a sharp pinch on his butt. “Ow! What“ He exclaimed, and turned to find Cameron standing there, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at him' The Ducklings are bored one day and, with the help of a certain list, find a way to entertain themselves
1. Let the Games Begin

**DISCLAIMER: i dont own anyone or anything fromhouse. many thanks to bauerfreak who very kindly let me use the 'boredom list' from their CSI fic. although i have changed some things and added some things, i wanted to let you know the original concept was not mine. how i use it, however... hehe. read on, and enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

Cameron and Foreman groaned. There was nothing to do, nothing to see, nothing to smell, and nothing to hear. Chase was gone, so they couldn't pick on him, and they both secretly thought the other was too boring to have anything worth picking on. House was pottering around somewhere, presumably following Cuddy around for his latest "Piss Off Your Boss" campaign.

"Never fear, I am here!" Chase announced, skidding into the conference room with a piece of paper in his hands.

They groaned again.

"Seriously, in my hands I am holding your ticket-"

"To the chocolate factory?" Cameron quipped. Foreman raised a hand lazily, and Cameron slapped it, maintaining the bored expressionless expression on her face.

Chase scowled childishly. "Nooo, I am holding your ticket to FUN! Or at least, away from boredom."

Cameron raised an eyebrow, but Foreman wasn't bought. "Meh" he shrugged, eyes drooping.

Chase kicked him.

"Fine! What is it?" he snapped, raising his head to pretend he was mildly interested. Chase stepped forward smugly and silently dropped the piece of paper on the table in front of his bored colleagues. It read:

**The Boredom Battle**

**Play with 2-4 colleagues.**

**Instructions: Play when bored in the office. Points are awarded for each activity completed on the list (you may not repeat activities more than once), and after two weeks, the employee who managed to collect the most points AND keep their job is the winner. Let the games begin!**

**1 POINT:**

**-Run one lap around the floor at top speed.**

**-Walk sideways to the whiteboard.**

**-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.**

**-When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug, leaving them with an inch of brew.**

**-Ignore the first 5 people who say 'good morning' to you.**

**-Call someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."**

**-To signal the end of a conversation, clap your hands over your ears and grimace.**

**-when an office mate is out, wheel their chair to the elevator.**

**-While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the door opens.**

**3 POINTS:**

**-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee and then ask, "Did you get that, I don't want to have to repeat it."**

**-Say to your boss, "I like your style", and shoot him/her with double-barrelled fingers.**

**-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.**

**-While someone is talking to you, shout 'what? I can't hear you!' repeatedly.**

**-Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when asked, answer 'not now' and walk away.**

**-at the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem.**

**5 POINTS:**

**-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.**

**-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.**

**-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number 2".**

**-After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent.**

**-Ask anyone you pass what sex they are and, when they reply, laugh loudly.**

**-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter 'shut up, all of you just shut up!'**

**-In a colleague's schedule, write in at 10am "See how I look in tights."**

**-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person – "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."**

**-As a colleague passes by, pinch their ass, and when they turn around wink at them.**

Foreman's eyes lit up. Cameron looked hesitant.

"I dunno…"

Chase rolled his eyes. "Typical."

She shrugged. "I just don't think it's appropriate."

Chase raised an eyebrow. "Or you just don't have the balls to do it."

Cameron's mouth dropped open in horror. "Do so!" she exclaimed, before stalking over to the whiteboard and snatching one of House's markers. In the top left corner she wrote in miniscule writing: ARE.

"Are?" Foreman asked, squinting.

"You idiot, it stands for Allison, Robert and Eric! Duh!" Chase replied sarcastically, smacking the side of his head. Cameron blinked, clearly taken aback.

"What?" Chase asked, puzzled.

"N-nothing, I'm just amazed you got it, and he didn't." She stammered, pointing to Foreman, who was now looking equally frightened. "It is weird." He muttered.

Chase thought for a moment, before answering. "Yeah, I suppose it is, but let's not waste any more time thinking about it. You two have to get your asses into gear if you're gonna lose this game."

That got the two of them into party mode. Cameron snapped the lid back on the marker and threw it at the whiteboard, before consulting the list one more time. Chase, who knew it off by heart, ran out of the conference room. Foreman, who had only one activity in mind at that moment, ran out after him, towards Cuddy's office.

The Dean of Medicine was going over some files with her Sex-retary when Foreman approached. She left the younger man to his work while she went back into her office, presumably to pretend she was busy.

The Sex-retary looked at Foreman, who was standing motionless in the doorway. When he realised that Foreman wasn't going to explain himself, the Sex-retary went back to his work. He pulled out a pile of files and began counting them, and Foreman sprang to life.

"One, two, three-"

"Seven."

"Five, six, seven-"

"Twenty-three"

"Look, could you stop that please? I'm trying to work."

Foreman said nothing.

"One, two, three, four, five-"

"Twelve"

"Eight, nine, ten, eleven-"

"Five"

"Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen-"

"Six thousand, three hundred and forty-two"

"Hey, man, could you stop that please?"

Foreman narrowed his eyes. "I really don't like you." He said shortly, before leaving.

Meanwhile Cameron was waiting outside the door to House's office. He was bound to turn up sooner or later – his Game Boy was in there.

House did turn up, and was limping past Cameron when he felt a sharp pinch on his butt.

"Ow! What-" He exclaimed, and turned to find Cameron standing there, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at him. He blinked, quite turned on, but very, very afraid. She smiled smugly and skipped off in the opposite direction, leaving a confused House standing outside his office.

"I've always wanted to do that." She giggled to herself happily.

Meanwhile Chase was sitting by a phone and picking out numbers at random.

"Yes, It's Doctor Chase here. Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

"Yes, It's Doctor Chase here. Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

"Yes, It's Doctor Chase here. Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

And so on.

During a brief meeting that evening before going home, the Ducklings checked the tally. Cameron was leading on five points; Foreman was next on three points; and Chase was tailing them on one point. He had tried to write thirty-two, but Foreman stopped him, explaining that he got one point for the whole activity, not for each person he rang.

After putting the marker away, the three of them eyed each other warily before backing out the door.

* * *

_dun dun dun... i was going to make this a oneshot, but it is SO MUCH fun to write, and i want to cover most or all of the activities. i dont have the time to write it all now. expect an update for this, a housytale (next chapter almost complete - just polishing it up) or whisper soon. bye for now :)_


	2. Something Fishy

**thanks for all your wonderful reviews! sorry this one is so short, i really really wanted to write more, but i have to go to bed, and i just HAD to post another chapter. And about Cameron - i never intended to make her so.. er, OOC, but i suppose this is probably what she would be like if she actually WERE in this situation.You never know.**

**ta-daah! a slight plotline appears! in this chapter, House begins to grow suspicious. and what happens when house becomes involved everybody? well, read and find out. besides, i always wanted to include house, because there really is no limit with him.**

* * *

Cameron stepped inside the elevator next to some random patient the next morning. She had almost forgotten the Boredom Battle, until she watched the doors slide shut. An impish grin creeping over her face, she waited patiently for the gentle buzz to stop, and the doors to open again. When they did, she gasped dramatically, and turned to the random patient, eyes wide. He stared at her. 

She quickly turned back to face the door as another random patient walked in. They reached the next floor, and with a gentle 'ding' the doors slid open.

"Oh!" Cameron gasped, pointing at the door in amazement. This time House got in. He took no notice of her, until they reached the next floor, and she let out a sound like a deflating balloon. She blushed when he raised an eyebrow in her direction, and didn't utter a peep for the rest of the trip.

Meanwhile Chase, who was desperately trying to raise his tally, was frantically wheeling chairs out into the corridor as soon as someone's back was turned. He didn't seem to care that the entire nurse's station had devoted their time to replacing all the stolen chairs, and placing bets on how long it would take for him to notice.

Foreman appeared completely relaxed as he strode through the hospital entrance. That is, until he began smacking his forehead and screaming "Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP!"

A brief consultation in the conference room, and the ducklings agreed that Foreman was now leading on eight points, and Chase and Cameron were tied on six. It didn't seem to matter to them that the hospital staff and patients thought they were insane. All Chase wanted was to win the Battle and prove that he DID have the balls, all Foreman wanted was respect, and Cameron… well, all Cameron wanted to do was pinch House's ass again.

Speaking of whom, the scruffy cripple was sitting in his office at that very moment wondering what the hell had gotten into his staff. Or, more specifically, Cameron. He couldn't see anything exciting about an elevator. Or his butt, for that matter. And it appeared the neurologist had started hearing voices, not a good sign. And why did his chair feel different?

Something fishy was going on. Yep, something is DEFINETLY going on, he thought to himself as he watched Chase and Foreman zoom past, followed by Cameron, who gave him a wink.

* * *

_dun dun dun... next one will be up soon. i actually have it all planned out in my head. it started out as a bit of fun, and its actually becoming a fic. tell me what you think!_


	3. Bob's Your Uncle

**thanks for all your wonderful, inspiring reviews! the points are as follows: Foreman - 9 points Cameron - 7 points and Chase - 7 points. (NOTE: those points aren't including any activities completed in this chapter.)Another short chapter, I know. My apologies.**

* * *

"Dr Chase, I'm a little confused about this paperwork. Could you explain it to me?" The nurse asked, holding out some forms to him. 

"Bleh mimbetty bobble obble blourga pfffft shah plerg ping!" Chase answered in a series of grunts and raspberries. When the nurse froze in terror and obviously wasn't going to reply, he raised his eyebrows.

"Did you get that? I don't want to have to repeat it." He added before strolling casually into the elevator, where he met Foreman. The two of them kept shooting wary looks in each other's direction, and Foreman was giving Chase a record-breaking hairy eyeball.

When they reached the next floor House entered, and immediately noticed the wary atmosphere. A minute passed, and he couldn't stand the tension any longer.

"Phew! Who farted?" He said in his most obnoxious voice. The two younger doctors shot him their most impatient looks, and he feigned embarrassment. "Oops, sorry. Can't control myself in my old age." He said bashfully. Chase snorted as the three of them got out on their floor.

"Any new cases?" He asked Cameron as they entered the conference room.

"None that you'd be interested in, Bob." She replied as she sorted his mail. House screwed his face up in a pained expression. "Bob?" he demanded.

She continued with the mail as if nothing had happened.

House stood in a confused stance while his employees organised themselves.

Cuddy walked in, nose stuck in a file. "Dr Cameron?" she enquired.

"Yes Bob?" The younger woman replied, looking slightly uncomfortable.

Cuddy stopped, and closed the file. "I'm sorry?" she said, shaking her head a little. Cameron shifted feet. In the corner Chase and Foreman were shaking with silent laughter.

"I'm sorry- yes _Dr_ Bob?" She tensed, as if she were standing on the Titanic while it approached the iceberg.

Cuddy frowned, looking more confused than annoyed. If it were House she would have exploded already. This was strange. "Follow me to my office, please Dr Cameron." She murmured, leading the way out the door. Cameron hung her head with a sigh, and followed her superior.

"Oooooh! Someone's been a naughty girl! Give her a good spanking Boss!" House yelled after them, hopping excitedly. As soon as they were gone, his face turned dead serious, and he turned to Chase and Foreman.

"I know something's going on. You're keeping me out of the loop. I'm extremely disappointed boys." He added, using his best 'hurt' expression. They remained silent. He hobbled into his office and sat down, pulling out his Game Boy. Foreman and Chase gathered their things and headed out the door.

When he was sure they were gone, House stuck his head out. The coast was clear. He snuck into the conference room and rummaged around in his employees' pockets.

When his search produced nothing but breath mints, lipstick and a paperclip he threw Chase's coat aside and moved on to Foreman's. Nothing interesting in there, either. He advanced towards Cameron's coat, somewhat cautiously.

"What will I find in here? Probably a picture of myself with 'I heart House' written all over it." He muttered as he stuck his hands in her pockets. Nope, nothing. Nothing at all. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

But wait – what was that under the table? He bent down stiffly and pulled the piece of paper out from under the table, an evil grin spreading over his face

* * *

_to be continued..._


	4. Dun Dun Dun!

**Points are as follows: Foreman – 9 points Chase – 10 points Cameron – 12 points**

**

* * *

**Now it was Foreman's turn to get desperate. A quick peek at the whiteboard told him he was losing, Chase was one point ahead of him and Cameron was winning. 

"Stupid Bob" He cursed. To be honest he had expected Cameron to lose, but it turns out she was more daring than he originally thought. But that didn't matter. He was quite happy for Cameron to win. Just as long as he beat Chase.

"Okay… five points, I need five points..." he muttered, picking up the list from the table, and quickly deciding which activity to do next.

Cameron stood in Cuddy's office with her hands in her pockets and her shoulders hunched, looking like the child with her hand caught in the cookie jar. As Cuddy sat at her desk, Cameron glanced at her watch. Her hour wasn't up yet. She figured Foreman would be up to something already, and Chase was probably running around pinching everyone's butt.

"When he discovers that it's one of the activities he will be most pleased." She murmured to herself.

"What was that Dr Cameron?" Cuddy asked, frowning.

"Nothing Bob." She replied, sighing. She decided she might as well try for more points, seeing as she was already in trouble.

"Well, Dr Cameron, I just wanted to bring you in here to talk to you. I noticed your strange behaviour, and I'll be blunt. What's House done this time?" Cuddy said tiredly.

"What?" Cameron asked, clearly taken aback. "House? He hasn't done-" She stopped, and tilted her head, apparently trying to listen for something.

"Did you hear that?" She frowned, pointing to some empty space toward the back of the office. Cuddy froze.

"No?"

"Oh, never mind. It's gone now."

"Right. Well, if it wasn't House-"

"That, can you hear that?"

"Dr Cameron-"

"Don't worry, it's stopped."

"Dr Cameron, I want you to-"

"Seriously, can you hear that?"

"Tell me what is going on!" Cuddy yelled, fast becoming annoyed.

Cameron paused, her brow crinkled in concentration. Cuddy waited patiently for an answer. Even though Cameron initially denied it, she suspected House had finally pushed her over the edge.

Cameron remained rooted to the spot, eyes screwed up and leaning over slightly. After about thirty seconds of silence she straightened up and smiled.

"It's okay, it's gone now. What were you saying?" She asked sweetly.

Cuddy blinked.

Suddenly the lights began flicking on and off at an alarming speed. Cameron whipped around. There, with the world's biggest smirk on his face and his hand poised on the light switch, was House.

"House, what are you doing?" Cameron yelled through the flashing lights.

"Don't you mean 'Bob'?" He replied evilly. Cameron's heart sunk.

They were done for.

* * *

_sorry its a shorty. actually, come to think of it, these ones only seem short because the first one was quite long, to accommodate the boredom list. i'm writing the next chappie now, so be expecting it soon. thanks for all your great reviews! (hint-hint)_


	5. Aussie Aussie Aussie!

**Foreman – 9 points Chase – 10 points Cameron – 17 points**

**this chapter is dedicated to the melbourne 2006 commonwealth games - aussie aussie aussie! PLEASE NOTE: i have gone back and updated the boredom list in chapter one, so you best read over that, or you may not fully understand this chapter. at first. but i'm sure you'll catch on. **

**PS. thanks to BookwormKiwi for their wonderful suggestion! it is the PERFECT activity for house.**

**

* * *

**

House cackled loudly before hobbling off, leaving Cuddy's face contorted in puzzlement.

"What was that all about?" She asked Cameron, who swallowed painfully.

"Nothing Bob" the younger doctor replied before hurrying out the door to warn Foreman and Chase.

She found Foreman talking with an intern, who was looking quite confused.

"So you see _mon_, patient history is important for those reasons, _mon_. If-"

Cameron stepped forward and interrupted, motioning for the intern to leave. He looked very relieved, and mouthed the words 'thank you'.

"Bob I need to talk to you, House-"

"What is it, _mon_?"

"He knows."

"Knows what, _mon_?"

"About the list!"

"What list, _mon_?"

"Foreman- I mean Bob! Stop being stupid!"

"Hey, I need some points, too! And what about the 'Bob' thing? _MON_,"

"What about the Bob thing, Bob?"

"You trying to tell me that wasn't stupid? You could have been fired!"

Cameron was interrupted before she could reply, by a commotion in the hallway a few feet from them. House was standing amongst the patients and doctors, tapping them on the shoulders as they passed. A middle-aged woman walked by, and he reached out to poke her.

"Excuse me, what sex are you?"

"I- I'm female"

"HA!"

Cameron and Foreman gasped in horror.

"What the hell, _mon_?"

"Told you!"

They rushed forward to try and stop him from distressing any more patients, but he saw them coming. He winked, and hobbled off before they could get any closer.

A little later Cuddy paged the ducklings, and told them to meet in her office.

When they arrived, she was massaging her brow and frowning slightly.

"Okay, you're all here. Good. Now, I want you to tell me what is going on."

The three doctors looked nervously at each other, none of them answering their boss.

"Okay, just start with why you called me 'Bob" Dr Cameron, or why Dr House has been insulting every patient and doctor that he can get his hands on?"

Still nothing.

"Look, House I will deal with. But I have noticed some very strange behaviour from you guys, and I want to get to the bottom of it!" There was a hint of impatience in her voice now. Suddenly her phone rang, and she picked it up.

"Dr Cuddy. Oh, really. No, no that's fine. Okay, see you in ten minutes." She hung up, and sighed.

"I'm sorry, but I need to meet with some people now. But we will be continuing this later, understand?"

The three Ducklings nodded, and went to leave. Chase threw his hands up and stopped them.

"Wait, wait, wait! Wouldn't it be nice if we sang the national anthem for once?" Without waiting for a response, he straightened his shoulders and placed a hand on his chest.

"Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free…"

He looked around and raised his eyebrows at the others, indicating for them to join in, even though he was singing his own country's anthem.

"We've golden soil and wealth for toil, our home is girt by sea…" he continued singing loudly and very off-key. Cameron and Foreman were struggling to keep a straight face, while Cuddy sat frozen to the spot.

"Our land abounds in nature's gifts of beauty rich and rare, in history's page let every stage, advance Australia fair…" Foreman and Cameron could no longer contain the fits of giggles that were taking over their bodies as they watched Chase standing with his chest puffed out, belting out his country's song. Cuddy was about three seconds away from calling the Psych ward.

"In joyful strains then let us sing, advance Australia fair" His voice cracked as he sang a painfully high note. Foreman shoved his hands to his ears, as did Cuddy, but Cameron braved the glass-shattering noise to run forward and pull him away.

"Beneath our radiant Southern Cross-" She grabbed his arm and yanked him out of Cuddy's office.

"Come on, we have a serious situation on our hands!" She scolded him just like in his 'naughty schoolboy' fantasies. He giggled quietly as the three of them hurried down to House's office, almost as if they believed he would be in there.

He wasn't, but he had been. They all gasped in horror as they saw the whiteboard. Foreman swore and Chase crossed himself.

There, scrawled in huge, obnoxious letters across the board was 'HOUSE – 10'

* * *

_this fic is SO fun! i hope you're enjoying it too!_


	6. Oh No!

**Yay! Finally, the next chapter! Sorry it has taken so long, but I have been suffering slight writer's block when it comes to my House stories. And guess what! I have an idea for a SEQUEL! I might even have it posted tonight, even though this one isn't finished. It will be a oneshot, and here is your clue: Elevators.**

**Enjoy Chapter six!**

**Cameron – 17 Chase – 13 Foreman – 14 House – 10

* * *

**

Chase, Foreman and Cameron stood frozen in the conference room. After two minutes of complete silence (save the gentle whistle coming from Foreman's nose as he breathed) Chase finally found his voice.

"We're doomed," he murmured, shaking his head slowly. "How did he find the list?"

"That doesn't matter" Cameron told them quickly putting an end to the argument that was about to unfold. Already Chase's finger was pointed at Foreman in an accusatory manner. In Cameron's opinion that wasn't fair, especially since she was the one who left the list where House could find it.

"Well we can't keep playing" Chase stated.

"Ha," Foreman scoffed, "You wouldn't be saying that if you actually had a chance at winning!"

"Oh, you did NOT just say that!" Chase demanded, eyes wide.

Foreman raised an eyebrow. "You heard me – you are a loser! A lo-ser!" He pronounced as if Chase were mentally disabled.

Now, instead of proving to Foreman that he was in fact a normal, capable human being, Chase decided to snort like a raging bull and throw himself at Foreman, shouting "Bring it on!"

Cameron, ever the peacemaker, stepped forward and pulled Chase back by the shirt. She would have chosen his hair, but feared Chase's protectiveness would force him to turn on her. She didn't fancy being bitch-slapped or pinched right now. Not by him, anyway.

"That's enough you two!" She scolded.

Foreman also chose to regress back to the fifth grade, and pointed at Chase exclaiming, "He started it!"

"And I'm finishing it! We have a serious situation on our hands you two, so act your age!" Cameron chastised in a motherly fashion. "Sooner or later someone is going to get hurt! I'm willing to bet House has done some damage already, so we don't need you two to add to it!" She finished, her cheeks tinged with pink.

Chase and Foreman dropped their heads, looking sincerely ashamed.

"Sorry Cameron." They both mumbled. She took a deep breath and nodded.

"That's better. Now let's go find House before things get really out of hand."

At that exact moment a shrill scream from downstairs told them just how far out of hand things had become. After glancing quickly at one another they ran towards the stairwell, their expressions practically shouting "OH NO!'

"False alarm," Foreman breathed when they reached the bottom floor. An intern had merely walked in unannounced during a woman's breast examination in the clinic. The red-faced young man was now being led off by a security guard.

Before the three doctors could relax, a figure grabbed their attention in the waiting area. It was House. He stood up slowly amongst all the commotion and cleared his throat importantly. As always, people stopped what they were doing and listened to him as if he were the President of the United States.

"I… really have to go do a number two. Excuse me." He announced before shuffling away.

Cameron grimaced and ran after him. House saw her coming and tried to outrun her to the elevators. Needless to say, he failed.

"What do you think you're doing?" She demanded, standing between him and the doors.

"Trying to go to the little boys room. I really, really have to poop." He answered, rolling his eyes in his trademark 'duh' expression. She wasn't impressed.

"Now that I've said it twice, does that count as ten points, or just five?" House asked,a self-satisfied smirk spreading across his face.

Cameron tried not to flinch, and continued staring at him through her eyelashes.

"Five" She growled.

"Okay" he said brightly before limping away animatedly.

Cameron sighed and walked slowly back to where Chase and Foreman were standing.

"Why did you let him go?" Chase demanded.

Before Cameron could respond Foreman interrupted.

"Chase, you know damn well a freight train couldn't stop House from doing what he want to do. Not even one with large breasts and a badge that says 'Dean of Medicine" He said, rolling his eyes.

Chase sniggered and Cameron was visibly trying not to laugh. It was a very accurate observation, after all.

"So… now what?" Chase asked after a moment's pause.

Cameron and Foreman looked at one another, both with the same blank looks on their faces.

"I don't know." Cameron murmured, raising her eyes to the roof. Foreman and Chase followed her gaze. Neither of them doubted for a second House was up there somewhere distressing an innocent human being or two.

Suddenly they could hear the squeak of sensible, good-looking shoes coming from the stairwell as Wilson came tumbling into view.

"Help… me," He groaned, rubbing his backside. Cameron just knew he would have two finger-shaped bruises there tomorrow. House had no limits, after all.

Chase was right. They were doomed.

* * *

_well? whaddya think?_


	7. Let the Games Begin Again

**Cameron – 17, Chase – 13, Foreman – 14, House –20**

**Sorry this has taken so long! Not much going on in this chapter, but it is important to the story... so, yeah. It's also helping me slip back into my 'Boredom Battle' shoes after not writing for so long.

* * *

**

Ten minutes later the Ducklings and Wilson had crowded around the whiteboard up in the conference room. As the younger doctors explained the situation to him, Wilson let out a whimper and continued to rub his backside.

"What have you done?" he squeaked. "Do you have any idea how serious this is? It's catastrophic!" His eyes widened in terror.

Cameron and Foreman's expressions were slightly sceptical. Chase blinked.

Wilson's rubbing of his butt became rougher as he grew more agitated. "What on earth possessed you? Why would you _want_ to include him? It's a recipe for disaster!"

Wilson was beginning to sound hysterical, so Cameron took control. She held out her hand to silence him. "Let's get one thing straight. We didn't mean to include him. He found the list and invited _himself _to play along." She told the Oncologist sternly. Foreman and Chase murmured their agreement whilst shooting sour looks at each other.

Wilson sighed and pulled up a seat, giving an involuntary yelp as he sat down. "So what do you plan to do about it?" he asked in a calmer tone of voice.

Cameron opened and closed her mouth several times without producing an answer. At a loss, she turned to her colleagues. Foreman shrugged apologetically. Chase blinked.

"Well, you can do one of two things." Wilson offered. You can let him go and hope he gets bored, or you can try to beat him at his own game."

Chase opened his mouth in indignation (it wasn't _House's_ game!), but Foreman got in first.

"Shut up Chase!"

Wilson nodded in appreciation and continued speaking while Foreman and Chase continued to shoot daggers at each other.

"Personally I'd recommend the latter. Letting House go would be particularly disastrous, considering he has an unlimited attention span when something involving so much mischief is concerned. Especially when it annoys Cuddy. But then, both options will have the same overall result: He'll make it hell for you. The choice is yours. Choose wisely – it could be your last." Wilson ended gravely. Foreman and Cameron blinked. Chase grinned stupidly.

"I think House pinched you a little too hard, Wilson! Haha!" Cameron shut him up by backhanding him across the shoulder, though the blonde doctor continued to grin.

"So…" Wilson added, eyeing Chase warily. "What do you say?"

"I think we should work together to beat House. You never know, he could respect us for it." Foreman suggested bravely. They all agreed, although none of them actually believed House would respect them.

"I also think that Cameron is our strongest player, so she should do it." He added, promptly pushing her forward.

"Gee, it's nice to know you've got my back Foreman." She scowled.

"Will you do it, Cameron?" Wilson asked.

She considered it for a moment. Playing against House meant…playing against House. What if she made him mad? What if she damaged his ego by beating him, and he hated her? What if she had to pinch his ass again?

"I'll do it."

"WHAT?" House roared from the corridor.

The four of them jumped. As they glanced outside Wilson's hand flew to his backside.

House was standing in front of Cuddy, his face inches from hers.

"Dr House there's no need to yell" She warned him, her tone low and dangerous. As usual, House was completely unaffected by this.

"I can't hear you! You'll have… to…. speak… UP!" He yelled, motioning stupidly with his free hand. Cuddy's eyes were narrow slits in her reddening face. Picking up on the warning signs, Foreman hurried forth and shut the door. Three pairs of eyes were on Cameron, who stood motionless in the middle of the room.

"Oh this is going to be fun." She groaned as House's deafening roars were accompanied by Cuddy's administrative caterwauls.

* * *

_I am writing the next chapter now, but I'm not sure how it's going to end so if you have any suggestions that would be **great.**_


	8. Bring It On!

**Cameron-17 Chase-13 Foreman-14 House-23 Although, as of now, Chase and Foreman won't matter anymore. Muahaha.**

**Two more chapters to go! Thanks for all the great reviews - let's see if we can get to two hundred!**

**...No? .:defeated:. Okay then... carry on. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

--------------------------------------------------

Cameron took a deep breath and marched bravely from the conference room.

"Wait, don't you want some form of protection? A battle helmet? Mouthguard? Emergency flare?" Wilson trailed off as the immunologist approached House.

"How 'bout a condom?" Chase sniggered, earning himself another slap, this time from Foreman. Through the open door the three doctors heard Cameron's bold announcement.

"I really, really have to do a number two, _mon_." And with that, she walked away. Cuddy looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown and wobbled off in the opposite direction. House stared after Cameron, clearly impressed. He noticed the other doctors watching him from the conference room.

"Silly girl," he said fondly, indicating Cameron, "She has no idea what she's getting herself into!" He exclaimed. Then, with a startled expression, he remembered his current 'mission' and raced after Cuddy.

Foreman, Chase and Wilson heard Cuddy's protests echo down the hall.

"PISS OFF!" She screamed.

"What?" House replied, matching her volume.

The doctors could have sworn they heard Cuddy's head explode. House came hobbling past a few seconds later.

"Might want to give her some space." He said wisely, jerking his head in Cuddy's direction.

--------------------------------------------------

House was right. Cameron didn't have any idea what she was getting herself into when she agreed to take on the diagnostician. All hell broke loose following the scene outside the conference room that afternoon.

It began after House pushed Cuddy over the edge, and proceeded to hobble off in Cameron's direction. He found her outside the elevator, shouting "What, _mon_?" repeatedly to a very disgruntled Nurse Brenda.

House, as his way of saying 'Count me in', snuck up behind his employee and promptly pinched her butt. She gasped in surprise and spun around to find House's rapidly disappearing back in her line of sight. She wrung her hands excitedly.

"I can't believe you people!" Nurse Brenda was saying. "I am _so_ going to report you!"

Cameron winked and shot at Nurse Brenda with her fingers in the form of a gun. "I like your style, _mon._" She grinned, skipping off happily towards the lab.

Meanwhile Foreman was redrawing the tally on their whiteboard. Now, in large letters across the top, it said "House vs. Cameron" and underneath were their points. They were able to keep track of what activities the two competitors were engaged in by listening intently to all the frightened screams and pages echoing down the hallways. Both Chase and Wilson were situated at various locations around the hospital, paging Foreman regularly for updates So far Cameron had managed to catch up to their boss, and was actually beating him by five points. Foreman knew better than to get his hopes up, however. Who knew what House was doing at that very moment?

One very scared intern knew. House had cornered her outside the ICU and, blocking her means of escape with his body and outstretched cane, was whining "Shut uuuup! Make them stop, please! Shut UP" while slapping his forehead desperately. The intern whimpered and crossed herself.

Cameron strolled into the lab casually. Another doctor was in there, running some tests. He greeted Cameron, but stopped mid-sentence to glance down at her feet. No wonder she looks odd, he realised. She'd tucked her pants into the knee-length stockings she was wearing underneath, and, more surprisingly, didn't appear to have noticed.

"Um… Dr Cameron, your pants?" He said tentatively.

"Not now." She said haughtily, marching back out again.

And so, like a warped tennis match, the two of them bounded back and forth, each claiming the lead temporarily, until the other stepped further outside the boundaries of their sanity and gained more points.

House matched Cameron's 'pant-leg' incident by referring to everyone he came into contact with as 'Bob.'

Cameron, although unaware House was beating her by two points, managed to tie with him once more after running sideways around the third floor. She got away with it, too, seeing as that was the Psych ward and people running sideways down the hall was a regular occurrence.

Then House began speaking in tongues to patients in the clinic, saying in between incoherent babbles 'Did you get that?'

So Cameron shouted random numbers while patients underwent eye-tests in Ophthalmology.

House vacuumed his desk, much to the surprise of the cleaning staff.

Cameron ignored everyone to spoke to her.

House sang the national anthem. Okay, so he sang his own version, which included some graphic words and situations, but the activity was still valid.

Cameron questioned people about their sex, and snorted when they replied.

House began wheeling people's chairs out to the elevator, gasping every time the door opened.

Finally Cameron ran into her boss in a corridor. Literally. He was slightly out of breath, having successfully disposed of all the office chairs on the floor.

"I'm onto you _Allison_." He sneered, despite looking quite impressed with her efforts.

"Bring it on _Greg_." She retorted, grinning evilly at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I will, _Allison_." He said slyly.

"You do that, _Greg_." She replied.

House blinked. "I will," he said blankly.

Cameron drew back, her face also void of expression. "Okay," She said blandly.

The two of them were silent.

"I'm just going to go this way…now" House said quickly, hobbling away.

"Okay" Cameron said with relief, running in the opposite direction to where House was heading.

She found herself in the conference room, and noticed both she and House were tied for points. She consulted the Boredom Battle list once more, raising her eyebrows when she saw how limited their options were. Between them they'd done the majority of the activities, but she was in no mind to stop. This was way too much fun. Besides, she had to beat House. She had to prove herself to him.

She _had_ to pinch his butt again.

--------------------------------------------------


	9. We Can Improvise!

**Yay for pointless chapter-ing! Yeah, this was meant to be the final chapter but I kinda got carried away and went off track. The next will probably be the last. But, given my record, you never know. I could somehow squeeze another in after it.**

**DISCLAIMER: Yeah yeah. Not mine. Fool.**

* * *

The next day Cameron was making her way up to the conference room when the wall opened beside her, allowing someone to pull her inside.

"Wh- hey!" she squeaked as she tumbled in to what she soon realised was a darkened supply closet. She was silenced when a hand closed over her mouth.

"Shh, Cameron, it's me!" An Australian accent whispered in her ear.

"Chase!" Cameron scolded, freeing herself from his grip. "I told you time and time again, I was on drugs! You're not getting laid again!" Chase sighed awkwardly, and Cameron knew a blush was creeping up his neck.

"You are too much like House sometimes." He was saying as he shuffled around. "Now, where did I put it? Damn, if only the light in here was – Ahh! Here it is." Cameron heard a rustle as paper was shoved into her hand.

"What's this?" She asked, curiosity chasing away the shock-induced sarcasm.

Even in the dark Cameron could see Chase puffing out his chest proudly. "It's your key to winning this, er, tournament, with House."

"Hmm. Feels more like _paper_ to me." Cameron shook it to support her point. "Really, what is it? No metaphors this time."

"It's another list with crazy activities. As long as you don't let House see it, you have an excellent chance at winning…whatever it is you're doing. You follow this list, and you will have him very much upstaged." Chase explained.

Cameron thought for a few moments. "Thanks." She said eventually, having decided Chase had actually done something worthwhile for once. Then, as an afterthought, she asked, "Where do you get these things?"

Chase shuffled his feet. "Nowhere, just… chain emails." He mumbled. Cameron crinkled her nose, but decided not to press the subject further. She groped empty space looking for his shoulder, then once she found it, gave him an appreciative pat before leaving.

Cameron had taken two-and-a-half steps down the corridor when, for the second time that morning, she found herself being pulled aside, as the paper was simultaneously snatched from her hands.

"What's this, Dr Cameron?" House asked smugly, peering down at the list. Cameron lunged forward to grab it from him, but he held his arm up beyond her reach.

"Let's see… 'Strip for your boss, dance included'? Sounds good to me." He said, peering up at the paper in his hand. Cameron blushed and inwardly vowed to kill Chase. "I haven't even read it yet, and do you really think-" She began to protest, before the twinkle in House's eye made her stop.

"It doesn't even say that, does it?" She narrowed her eyes. He grinned.

"Well, no, but we can improvise!" He replied, wiggling his eyebrows. Cameron rolled her eyes as her hands flew unconsciously to her hips.

"Now now, Dr Cameron." House was saying. "You weren't really going to go behind my back like this, were you?" He pouted. "Well. Too bad." And with that, he ripped the paper into a number of small pieces. Cameron gasped.

"House! What did you do that for?"

"I don't need a list to tell me how to beat you." He shrugged. "_I_ can improvise." He said self-importantly as he turned to hobble away. Cameron glared after him.

"I'll give you improvisation." She cursed under her breath.

---------------

A little while later Cameron had joined Chase and Foreman in the conference room, waiting for House to arrive and tell them about their newest patient, if they had one. She was slouched in a seat at the end of the table, eyes pointed darkly to the floor, brooding over House and their little 'game'. Foreman and Chase kept shooting nervous looks in her direction, neither brave enough to address her. They both feared House had somehow managed to find time to win since Chase last saw the immunologist in the supply closet that morning.

Their fears evaporated, however, when House came bursting through the door wearing sunglasses and an oversized, gold, diamond-encrusted pendant bearing the letter "H". His pants were also dangerously low, with the crotch hanging somewhere around his knees and his boxer shorts almost entirely visible.

"What up, homies?" He announced, bobbing his head to an unknown beat as he limped into the conference room.

Foreman raised an eyebrow. "You must have really run out of ways to annoy me, House." He said boredly.

House feigned horror. "What you talkin' 'bout, Fo-Man? Dis shit is fo' Camdawg!" He pointed a ring-smothered finger at Cameron, who was looking slightly less shocked than her colleagues. "And it ain't House, you mofo, it's G-Man! Fool." He added, tossing his head. Cameron stared at him for a few silent moments, a grin starting to creep across her face.

"Fine." She said as she rose from her seat. "You want improvisation?" She asked as she made her way around the table towards her temporarily insane boss. She stood inches in front of him, with her hands hovering around his hips. "You're gonna get improvisation." And with that, she reached down and grabbed a handful of House's pants and boxers, pulling them up as far as possible, and further, with one swift movement. Judging by the pained look on his face, she knew she'd made enough of an impression.

"Pull your pants up, _G-Man_." She said levelly, before striding confidently from the conference room, but not before throwing "Fool." over her shoulder in his direction. House winced and pulled his underwear from his behind, shooting Foreman and Chase a look that said 'You talk, you die.'

"Huh. Broad ain't got nothin' on the G-MAN!" He yelled pathetically towards the door, from which Cameron had long disappeared. "Fo shizzle." He spat, hobbling into his office.

Chase and Foreman said nothing, their frightened expressions saying more than words ever could.


End file.
